By Larry Stanford firstname.lastname@example.org
July 15, 2014
I’ll admit – I love to sleep. It is one of my favorite activities of the night (and day). I can sleep just about anywhere – in the office, at a government meeting, at a ballgame, at a fireworks show, at a concert – and in just about any position – laying down, sitting up, even standing. My balance isn’t good enough for me to sleep standing straight up without any assistance, but let me lean against a wall and give me a few seconds with my eyes closed and I can drift right off. And usually, unless I start snoring, the people around me either don’t notice or just think that I’m deep in thought.
My favorite place to sleep is the bathtub. Give me a tub big enough for me and hot water and I’m happy. My love for tub napping started in my early teens and came about as a result of me also liking to read in the tub. I disliked going in for my nightly bath until one night I realized that if I was careful, I could actually read while sitting in the tub. Then I figured out that if I got tired of reading, I could relax and take a nap. Tub napping usually lasts about an hour. Any longer than that and the water gets cold and my fingers get wrinkled and hurt.
I can also go to sleep and sleep through just about anything. I’ve gone to sleep at night and woken up the next morning to tree limbs laying in my yard, and my wife telling me I slept straight through a horrible thunder and lightning storm. If the tree limbs broken off by the storm weren’t laying on the ground, I probably would not have believed her.
Of course, I’m not the only one who likes to sleep, and can sleep through anything. A few years ago, I used to earn some extra money working as a security guard at Atlanta Motor Speedway during NASCAR race weekends. One Sunday race I was working in the main grandstand and got to talking to an older gentleman. He told me that the most exciting portions of the race are the first 25 laps and the last 25 laps. He would stay awake for the first 25 laps, set the alarm on his wristwatch to go off two and a half hours later, then nod off to sleep. He usually woke up in time to see the last 25 or so laps. I kept an eye on him that race, and he did exactly that!
I read online the other day that a New York Yankees fan is suing ESPN for $10 million because they televised him sleeping during a Yankees’ ballgame. Apparently the film got picked up and spread over the internet and he has gotten a lot of things said about him that he claims have hurt him and his reputation. While I don’t see much hope for his suit, stranger things have happened in our court system, so you never know. If he gets some money out of this, I could see this being a new source of revenue for me.
I’ll just head up to Atlanta with a ticket to the Braves’ game, fall asleep in my seat, get some good rest and hopefully get put on the air by the TV crew, make sure the video goes viral, and then I’ll sue the Braves for defamation of character. That idea has possibilities… I think I’ll sleep on it.
Larry Stanford may be reached at 706-647-5414 or on Twitter @LarryStanford7.